So this will be my first Easter completely on my own....it was hard to accept that because of conflicting work schedules (since I do not work for a Catholic based company for the first time in 11 years...) I could not make it home. Now to be fair, half my family, cousins included that feel like other siblings, were not going to make it home either. Welcome to growing up I suppose.....hopefully it will not last long and there will be many more nieces and nephews to fill this void....
After talking with my mother on the phone the other night, I soon felt the pangs of melancholy as nostalgic memories of my grand Victorian house filled to the brim with children, laughter, conversations and great food, women chatting in the kitchen over homemade recipes and men sitting around the grand living room or on the porch discussing politics, etc. ( So, yes, my memories have a very Norman Rockwellian look to them...:) ) I was going to be stuck here with no family, no basket hunt, no eggs dying my fingers odd colors before mass...Definitely not my view of Easter.
After working today, I had glanced some Easter recipes on the Bon Appetite magazine, and spied some springy dresses on my J. Crew browse, and the warm weather all got my mind thinking....I needed to have an Easter! I had no food, no china, no family...but I was going to do this anyway! As soon as I got home I had plopped on the couch, tired from a long warm day, and fighting the last of this wretched spring cold...and on the TV was one of the girls of my family's favorite movies...While You Were Sleeping...and it came to the scene were she is alone after Christmas eating Oreo's dipped in the milk from her cat's bowl...I suddenly thought.....this can not be me! I can not be sitting here being melancholic, this is EASTER! The most joyous holiday in our calendar! So I turned on classical music and tied on my apron....
I was going to make my own Easter, just for myself...and who knows? Maybe someone will show up anyway.
So as I browsed through my fridge I began throwing things together and...voila! An Easter menu to make my mom proud appeared in my kitchen!
Today was the perfect day to experience the different facets that make up who I am, what I love, and what I have become...
The morning dawned misty and fair, the pinkish gray sun illuminating the misty rain that fell giving all the newly budding branches and spring green that twinkling almost fairy quality. The morning was also unusually quiet, the rain hushing the normally rumbling trucks and chatter of passersby on their cell phones. It was a very Ireland morning...:) Sipping my coffee by my window waiting for my morning ride, I watched the greyness soften and mute everything to a watercolor painting of the 1900's house across the street with the stained glass windows and carved wood panels, framed by the stark branches, which is really quite lovely. As I entered my carpool's car, I heard the soft strains of the Celtic harp floating from the open door. "I like the music." I said. "It's the Chieftain's." he said proudly. I really love Celtic music, especially on a softly rainy, newly green Spring morning. Makes one want to run off to the the Cliffs of Mohr and stand at the very edges of that world having the sight take your breath away as the wind whips your hair around as if drawing you out to the history and legends and far oceans beyond .....oh wait I already did that. :) It was such a great way to start my work day. Allowing my mind to once again wander off to those lands of my ancestors and dream for a bit....wander the Green Hills of Ireland, the legendary Pyramids of Giza, the ancient Forests of Lithuania.....did I mention I read ....alot...
But that is only a part of me...granted, probably the larger part....however...
There is this other part....the preppy, pink and cream, pearls and etiquette me. I read Emily Post, I wear pearls with jeans and cardigans and some would say probably an inordinate amount of pink for an almost thirty year old. I love English dressage, high tea, Ralph Lauren and champagne. I dream of polo matches and yachting. I spent this weekend helping my friend go shopping for some makeup downtown at the very old and prestigious Macy's (see the more in detail story here, beautifully written by Kate herself...http://sweetridgesisters.wordpress.com/2011/04/19/the-downtown-department-store/) . She was constantly amazed by how comfortable I was wandering the clear and pink and cream makeup and perfume counters. I can not lie, I was thoroughly enjoying myself ...it made me happy to be in a very feminine environment, where I could for a moment be pampered. Speaking of being pampered, I am auditioning for a look alike contest for the soon to be Princess of Wales. Now for those who know me remotely well, this will not even be a second thought. I believe I was about eight or so when I promptly and very sternly announced to my father he could no longer discipline me. I believe I said..."You can not spank me, I am a lady!" Yes, I was truly the princess of the family. I also believe the was a period of about a couple months, where, in between digging in the back yard for ancient treasure...I refused to take off a very pink, tulle and sequin ballet outfit. I suppose my love of pink started then...
But, I have to thank my mom for giving me my love of style. For if not for her I may very well have been still wearing that ballet outfit now... she always showed me how to look casual but classic, and for a mother of eight, that is no small feat, looking like Jackie O incarnate. She also introduced me to makeup, perfume, jewelry and all other finery of a feminine nature...without her I would probably be wearing oversize sweaters and jeans all the time...now that is only for snuggling up with my books....
At the end of today, I was feeling down. The stress I am putting on myself for this probably insignificant competition has been harsh, though I am always my own worst critic...I could see every flaw in my face for the past couple days and was beginning to feel sluggish and lazy and so very imperfect. So, after running around after my favorite one year old, I decided to really go for a run when I got home. I had not attempted to fully run in a while, but this proved to be just what I needed. As my feet hit the pavement I could feel my body releasing so much stress...it felt so good to gulp the air into my stagnant lungs and my legs keeping in beat with the pounding music in my ears. As I ran farther and faster than I had since I began running, I entered my favorite spot in Oakland. The Cathedral Lawn...it is a veritable forest of trees and carved stone, spires and towers reaching into the darkening sky. The storm clouds in this sky raced along the wind that rushed past me as I kept running. Suddenly the was a flash of pink and gold light and the rain began to pour down heavily! I felt as if I was running in slow motion and the storm was rushing all around me, but I kept going.....soon however, I slowed to a stop and turned my face to the sky letting the rain caress it. Steam began to rise from my skin slowly as the cool drops met my warm limbs, raising my hands I caught them and watched as they ran down my arms and the pink petals from the nearby blooming trees danced around me in the wind and landed on my wet hands. I stood there for a bit, in wonder at the scene I was in the middle of. Another flash of light and a rolling echo encouraged me to take shelter under the large eaves of the Heinz chapel waiting for the worst of the storm to pass. I watched the windows of the Cathedral make the rain seem like drops of falling light, and the tower, reaching into the stormy sky, turned dark and foreboding. I had transitioned from the princess back into the dreamer....
Feeling energized after the storm passed I quickly followed it home, watching the lightning illuminate the clouds in different many colors, while still trying not to be the tallest thing around ( I used to have a deathly fear of thunderstorms believe it or not), and let the storm whisk all my worry and stress off with it, as if the clouds themselves were the carriers of all this and in that roiling mess was all of our fears and worries. Feeling much better, I continued to watch the storm roll across the valley from my porch and gave Thanks for that small gift tonight. He really knows me well...all facets of me. :)
How do I make these two facets work....the princess and the dreamer?
Well, I really just want to be Eleanor of Aquitaine I guess....;)
Hello~
So I have returned once again from a few other journey's, a few other of life's twists that keep me occupied from this little journal...which I need to be much better at recording in this form of a diary of mine...competitions, princesses, budgeting, cupcakes, cookies, makeup, babies, bridesmaid dress shopping, reunions...I promise to regale you all soon...
However, I have seen some very good movies with amazing soundtracks,...which in turn, of course...........gets me writing! :) I shall not reveal such things yet...they are so fragile in their raw and new state, as am I as their loving creator...but I will let you read some other thoughts of mine that have been recorded during my long vigil nights creating and watching my worlds form and grow...as new ideas expand what was a fleeting thought, or a small observation....such a rich life....
~ So here I was, huddled in my too cold flat, swaddled in all the mismatched wool blankets I owned, my favorite cream cable knit sweater barely making a dent in the chills that danced up the back of my neck even though my long brown hair lay undone across my shoulders and the pillows around my head. I was once again reading another book about heroines who went on great adventures in search of historical legends and documents, and of course stumble across the handsome co-conspirator....I, however, was no where close....
I was a librarian at the renowned historic library, and had access to a lot of historic research and books...but was here...huddled in my shared house reading about adventures I was not having....Oh, how I loved reading about these women who dashed off in the middle of the night after some harebrained idea they had about some misconstrued piece of historical information....Why did I have to be so sensible? Why couldn't I for once follow a crazy tip off into the night?...sigh...I was just too....pragmatic, responsible...well, British...damn.
I fell slowly back against the pillows....staring out the window up into the stormy sky I thought...this was not how it was supposed to be...after graduating with my Historical Lit. degree I was supposed to become the "librarian" and dash around the world going on so called crazy "research" trips. As it was... I was here in my little room, not even a full flat to myself, in the most beautiful but decrepit old house, reminiscing of my last ventures through Europe in school. A smile crept into my face...those were some adventures for sure...but as it was now...they were strictly held to dodging city traffic and entanglements with men...oh yes, the "romantic" side of the adventures...well....also not quite like these books. My "romantic" escapades...HA! not going there I thought....although that could be a novel in and of itself, quite a feat for a young lady who barely even dated in college...two failed semi-proposals, and then....him....sigh....yep, nothing like my books. Well this line of thought was certainly not going to help me sleep. I reached over and switched off my lamp, and settled back to let my mind wander back into the worlds of my books, and watching the moon drift hazily between the stormy clouds....~
