What does one think of when they hear this word?... a battle or two,white flags, two sides,...one does not fair so well...yes, I read too much.....
I shudder usually...this word does not come easily to my soul. I know, I know....most people know the quiet, shy, reserved, ladylike me...many do not get to see the intensely stubborn streak I have under my facade of femininity. And surrender never has and perhaps never will come easily to me...even in the face of the Lord asking of me for trust and confidence...
Amusing as He may see it, this little lady fighting against Him, I have never taken much of what he has asked of me lightly. I worry, I complain, I fight, every step of the way...You would think I may have learned by now that fighting such battles actually does more damage to me! Hahaha, not so...again, I am stubborn. But, lately...the past half a year or so, I have known the peace of letting go of my worry, my schedule and my heart ( my most guarded possession...) and trusting him. Okay...No, I have not had a miraculous saint-like experience. St. Theresa is WAY ahead of me...
I miss Rome....
I still fight, argue, stubbornly cross my arms and do the famous eyebrow raise in question....but really, I have loved feeling of peace, sitting in Adoration and almost physically placing all that worry, guilt, frustration, and skepticism on that pristine altar for Him to see and acknowledge and then say..."I see what you are, I see what you desire, I will give you what you need..." and then, he does...usually pretty quickly too....it has been a long journey, and will be longer still...but I am surrendering......slowly.....:)
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